sunrise...

I've been here for nearly a year now, and today was the first time I have ever seen the sunrise. I have had sleepless nights and been aware of the sun rising by the light of my window, but I'd never actually greeted it before today.

Of late, my insomnia has worsened. Three nights this week have seen me unable to sleep. My mind is full of so many things. So many ideas, plans to travel, and so little money.

Last night was one of those nights. I didn't leave my office until 6am. My mind wanders to other places that I might live and teach, but I cannot break my contract here. I'm doubly bound. I borrowed money from the hotel to do my diploma, and am paying it out of my small salary monthly, and if I break my contract, I would not only have to pay that back in full, but also pay for my ticket. My $500 take-home wouldn't cut a dent in that for many months.

I went to my room and tried to lay down. I couldn't stay still. I finally threw on my jeans, a sweater, and a red silk kerchief over my hair. I stormed out of my room and down to the far jetty. I sat on the platform which at that moment was just a few inches over the water. I meditated until 8am.

It was so peaceful. The air was chilly with a soft breeze. The sun created a golden road to the east, and all of the water flowed ever so gently towards it, as if drawing me in as well. I sailed on the waters as I meditated. I began to let go. I saw that my frustrations came from wanting too many things. In order to successfully achieve goals, one must simplify and focus one's energy on the most important one. To have five or six simultaneous goals is to fall short of all. A black tip shark caught my eye as he swam beneath my golden road. It had grown so much in the past year. I must grow like the shark. It does not trouble itself with becoming a large and formidable sea creature. It lives one day at a time, always moving, always eating and by this means does it grow. It does not worry about the future. The future will or will not come as it may.

As I walked barefoot along the white sands, the waves lapping playfully at my feet, my body and soul felt much more at peace...if not sleepy.