when did everyone get so old?

It's a funny thing that fully 80% of my friends are Geminis and Cancers. My birthday was last week and I've sent off a dozen birthday cards recently and one thing struck me over and over again: even the younger ones are getting so old!

I'm 29. To be honest, I don't know what that number has to do with me. My best friend is going to be 30 in July. To me he hasn't changed much since he was 17. The biggest difference is that now when we're together it's spooky how much we shadow each other: taking care of each other in small ways, watching out for each others' likes and dislikes in advance, and finishing each others sentences and stories. I think even his brother isn't convinced that we're not really a couple. I guess that's what 13 years of being the best of friends does to people.

My little brother is going to be 26, and I haven't seen or heard from him in two years. This makes me sad, but we all have our own paths...and his, to my great regret, doesn't seem to much involve his family. He's burned a lot of bridges, but I love him more than just about anyone on the planet. Even so, I recognise he must choose his own path and if that doesn't include me...well, it's his choice and I have to respect that.

My sister is 38, that's nearly 40 (although not as close as I am to 30). What does that number have to do with her? I don't know. She's beautiful and delicate like a rare orchid...and hasn't answered my emails for quite some time. She has her thing to occupy her time, trials, boyfriend and all. She's in my prayers daily, as are the rest of my family. I miss knowing her.

My older brother is 36 tomorrow. I haven't seen him in two years either, although he writes periodically. It's beautiful to me to see how he's grown as a person over the last 15 years, even if he's not much of one for writing.

My parents? Well, I'm suspicious that they are no longer in their 40's, although I'm not going to do the actual math to find out how old they really are. It's been nearly two years since I've seen them as well, although I get few emails a year. My mother is finally working someplace where they appreciate her, and this fills me with joy as much as I was filled with a sense of injustice at how she had been taken advantage of treated poorly in the past. She taught me that everything is a lesson for the learning. Although I was never happy with her jobs, she always felt that spiritually she needed to learn something. Perhaps now she's learned it and for this reason can work someplace appreciative. My parents are wonderful people. I am only sorry that they taught us all to be so independant that four grown children later, they've no hope of grandchildren or in-laws in sight.

I always thought that getting older would be different somehow. I'm not sure exactly what I thought it would be...more tame perhaps? As it happens, for me it has merely been a great learning experience so that I can realise my dreams. At this point, I'm a professional budget traveler. Even I can't say how I've managed to go around the world so many times and yet be broke the whole way round. An old friend of mine looked me up. She's got four kids and is adopting another. I haven't seen her since we traipsed through the woods of my childhood home, getting lost and coming back hours later covered in mud.

Another old friend of mine looked me up and he's just the same as he was 10 years ago, only perhaps with a few more tattoos and piercings. He's got a heart of gold though, same as it was when he was a purple-mohawked punk kid 14 years ago when we met. He sent me an antique treasure chest with a small silver globe on a chain inside. I love him so.

There comes a point where we don't really change that much. As kids we change so much all the time that it's hard to recognise us from one year to the next. Then, somewhere around 18, or perhaps in our early 20's, we become who we are. Although there are cosmetic changes, we are basically the same from that point forward. For this reason, an old man can look at an old woman and see the girl he met 50 years before.

I'm not afraid of becoming older...even if I don't like the new lines around my eyes. I believe that we all have a life, but we cannot own this life until it's past. People die young all the time, in which case they never own very much life. An old person though, they possess so much life. I believe that life is a gift, and if life is a gift then I must accept that death is also a gift. When I was younger, I was always afraid that I would die before I had reallye experienced life. Perhaps this made me a bit reckless to experience more and more. Now, at 29, I've experienced so much more than most people pack into an entire lifetime. True, I'm missing having a family, a home, a husband and children...but I have so much.

I just wonder how it is that time passed so quickly?