ser humano

It has often struck me, how odd this thing called existence is. Feelings and judgments in particular, the more extreme the more fleeting or changeable. Love and hate are two of the most extreme emotions in our limited existence, yet are they not the same? If I put a jalape?o pepper in my mouth, do I not experience the same sensations as my mother? Yet, to me this brings excitement, a thrill; and to her it is something to be fought against and purged from her mouth. Opposites attract and how often have we seen two people who fight bitterly, seemingly loathing each other turn to the most passionate of lovers?

I’ve spent the last 12 years of my life seeking to remove the need for judgement from my consciousness through meditation and the study of Zen principles and practices. It took about 7 or 8 years to have a significant effect upon my awareness, something which ultimately brings me great peace in what is otherwise a turbulent and perhaps even unstable self. I do not claim enlightenment, nor a higher state of being, but I now have a place where I can go within where personal judgement does not cloud my vision unless I choose it…and sometimes I do. It is after all, part of being human to need to feel unreasonable or selfish from time to time.

From here I see that humans, myself included, crave right and wrong. Moreover, we specifically crave to be right at the expense of others; for what is the point of being right if no one is wrong?

In my studies, the difference between an ‘error’ and a ‘mistake’ seemed to be a key of utmost importance when analysing teaching and correction strategies. I shied away from such strong terminology as an ‘error’. To me it implies a serious flaw that someone is absolutely in the wrong…not something that I’m willing to impart upon my students. Thinking about this, I remembered that I have three grades which I give: outstanding, pass, and try again.

I have three remaining tasks in my diploma: two observed lessons and a phonology interview. Please keep me in your prayers, especially on Monday and Tuesday. I hope for two more distinctions in my teaching (I’ve got three and need two more for an overall distinction) and a pass in the phonology. For that matter, it will be nearly two months before I get back the results of my written exam, please pray for that as well. I was doubtful of passing before I took it, and now I’m not sure. I think it could have gone either way. Please pray that I get a pass rather than a ‘try again’.

It is a strong feeling to be on the edge of completing my studies. I choose to think of it as a good feeling.