shocking...shocking...

Alright, this is sort of random and I'm a little tipsy after only a glass and a half of wine because I've not been drinking much lately, but a few things really grabbed my notice during the course of my job tonight.

First of all: I've been bloody hot since coming back to the Maldives. It's been really dreadful and I felt like a sissy until I found out that the guys here have been tortured the last week or so as well and nobody is sleeping. The day I came back, aside from being drenched in an unpleasant humidity/sweat combination as I waited 7 hours for a boat back to the island (that wasn't that rough...I spent the entire time in the airport hotel bar sipping cocktails next to the pool), I developed the worst heat rash I've had in a year before I'd even landed on my island.

Two: I had gained just over 2 kilos since coming to the Maldives. I wasn't fat, but had definite love handles and was less than thrilled at being told all the time by the charming locals, "Wow. Now you are too fat." At one point I nearly threw someone out of my classroom for saying it (he felt REALLY sorry and baffled when I told him that either he stopped saying that or he could leave...he didn't see what was wrong with saying it.) About four weeks ago, I began working out and I lost 2 kilos in two weeks. Then I went to India and after some initial problems with diarhea followed by medication, I began to fill out because I simply wasn't able to "go" for a week. To my great surprise, after I came back I spent much of the first two days in the toilet "ridding" myself of all traces of India and I've lost another kilo. This means uniform problems...the only pair of clean uniform trousers I had are now so loose on me that they are like super low Brasilian cut...and that's not appropriate for class. So tonight I wore a pair of white trousers which look like a skirt. They were still very saggy and nearly falling off, but at least they wouldn't fall off completely. The results? Well, I had five guys tonight tell me, "Wow. Your face looks like very fat." I made a face at them and said, "No, I've lost weight and my clothes are just too big." They replied, "Wow. You are getting very skinny...but your face looks very fat." Go figure...I'm skinnier than they've ever seen me and they are still compelled to tell me that one part of me looks fat.

sigh...you can't win with Asians. I will always be "big fat westerner" despite that in western countries I'm an enviable size and always have been even in my "fat" stages.

Third topic to rave about for the night: I'm looking through CV's and cover letters for my position. I'm truly shocked at the stuff sent to me. Although I was on holiday and missed the majority of applications so far, I've still received at least a hundred and am apalled by what people send.

First off, people have tremendous amounts of degrees and and experience and they send me an email with several paragraphs explaining that they've attached a cover letter and their CV!! Why on EARTH would I waste my time reading TWO letters from them? Depending on how interesting and personal their first one was, I might look at their second, but if their second cover letter is two pages long it's in the bin. These people are obviously not efficient and will waste countless hours saying nothing at all. Bin.

Secondly: people don't really look at what they send. One guy sent me an 8 page attached cover letter with a 21 page CV. Don't ask me why I looked more closely, but I did and discovered that his CV was an extremely bad scan of his hard copy which fit in slightly less than 1/4 of each page that he sent me. Needless to say, I didn't look further. Not efficient and no attention to detail equals waste of time. It was in the bin.

Thirdly: people write generic cover letters. "Dear Sir/Madam..." I gave my name and don't take points away from their assumming I'm Mr. or Ms., "I am writing in response to the ad for a teaching position with your school on TEFL.COM." Now, in my ad I specifically said that it's teaching for a resort and not a school. First sentence and it's in the bin. I know that they aren't right. This is a very special position and takes a special person. Bin.

Tonight I received the funniest one of all. Although the ad specifically stated that it was teaching for two resorts and was not any easy job and required a minimum of two years' experience, I got a response telling me that she was perfect for the position although she had no formal teaching experience or qualifications, but she had tutored her young cousins in English through their primary school years! I laughed outloud, skimmed her CV and then threw it in the bin.

A good applicant? Well, although less qualified than some of his "bin mates," he made it into the possibility folder because he at least said that he'd like the opportunity to work in our hotel. This let me know that at least he'd read the ad before applying. Further, he had enough experience for consideration and I was even willing to overlook the odd admission about his level of Thai language:
Reading ability: None
Speaking ability: None
Writing ability: None
Native speaker? Yes
Simultaneously translate? No

It fascinates me how he can have no reading, writing or speaking ability and yet be a native speaker...
He's in the "we'll contact you" folder. A small mistake is more easily overlooked than something that shows they obviously didn't even read the ad. I doubt he'll make the overall cut, but he passed the first step and people much more qualified than he didn't get that far.

I suppose that's about it. My laptop battery is running out of juice anyway :-) I hope that no one reading this makes the same mistakes when sending out their CVs and I hope that no one feels compelled to call anyone else fat; it's just not nice.

May you all dream of a night as beautiful as the one I am experiencing, sitting on this silky white beach, the waves softly lapping against the shore, wind rustling the palm trees and the inky black sky filled with stars.