on a train to Langkawi...The last two days have contained such an odd series of events. Yesterday, instead of going to the jungles of Taman Negara early morning as planned, I took an overnight train to Langkawi (a beautiful island), a place not even in my Lonely Planet (LP SE Asia). To know why, it is necessary to turn back to the time...
Lunchtime two days ago I asked T- (afterwards known as the Eccentric), the hostel owner, for a good Indian Place to eat. He showed me, then afterwards he asked if I was in a rush, or if I could join him for a drink somewhere else. We ended up spending about 2 hours all told, and he actually (mostly) talked to me the whole time. I remember being impressed that this manic ADD eccentric was able to complete a conversation. He said he wanted to cook me dinner that night. I agreed, but when I called him later, he had changed the plans and wanted a quiet night out with an English couple. I agreed, and later discovered that he had called to cancel (if indeed there ever was an English couple).
When we arrived back at the hostel, he was very drunk (I was fairly tipsy, but sobered up when things took a bad turn.)
Walking into the hostel, there was a young man sitting in the hanging wicker chair, staring at nothing, eyes wide open like an owl. There was something so odd or comical about his expression, I had to speak to him. His name was Daniel from Colombia. We said a couple of things in Spanish and the eccentric piped in a very angry, "Hey! Speak English!!" I glanced over a and there were black billowing clouds boiling around him. He then proceeded to tell Daniel to go away and stop talking to me. Daniel , who had moved to the sofa to better talk to us said, " I'm sorry, I completely understand." and moved back to the hanging chair just behind the sofa and retrieved his owl expression. I wanted to giggle, but thought it unwise given the bolts of lightning off of the Eccentric.
I began to write a note (in Spanish), "Friend, I'm sorry. I don't know why he's jealous. He's drunk. If you want to chat for a bit, I'm upstairs in room 21." Before I had finished it, an old guy came in and asked Daniel to join him for dinner. He agreed and left. I said goodnight and was met by a hurl of accusations and insults from the Eccentric. By the end, I was so upset because of all of the bad energy and the fact that I knew I'd face another sleepless night (I hadn't slept more than 2 hours in a night for a week and was ready to die of exhaustion). I went upstairs and packed. Eccentric came in and apologized until I agreed to finish the night.
Given that we were in a sketchy neighborhood and only a couple of very expensive places would be open, I finally agreed on the conditions that he let the whole thing drop and that he apologize to Daniel. The bad energy was down to a semi-tolerable (but not sleepable) level.
I washed up for bed and upon exiting the communal bathroom, to my surprise and dismay, both the Eccentric and Daniel were outside waiting for me. Daniel tried to get me to forgive the Eccentric and I agreed (why was this brought up again???) then they went downstairs together. I was seriously annoyed/bummed because I really wanted to talk to Daniel.
I listened from the stairs and was happy that they said goodnight after only a few minutes. As I had hoped, Daniel's room was upstairs. I conspired to walk into my room just as he came by. It worked, and he came in to talk.
We talked the whole night until 10.00 the next morning. We talked of energy, Colombia, past lives, healing, family, movies and so much more. I discovered in him, a very intelligent, caring old soul. I read his palm and felt his energy as I held his hands to do so. We spoke of the poor of his country and of mine, of the classes and possibilities; of walls and fears, things people make to give themselves feelings of assurance and that make them confident of what can and cannot be done. We even spoke of the different meanings of "psychic" or clairvoyance and their significance.
He left around 10.-10.20 and returned after noon. I was playing guitar and he came in to listen and fell asleep for a little while. We spent most of the day talking, and he helped me carry my things to KL Sentral and to decide on where to go. That was when things got really difficult.
The eccentric had decided that HE was taking me to the station. I said no in a very nice but firm way, especially when he insisted. The problem was that it quickly became impossible for Daniel and I to slip out separately and unnoticed because if I went alone, the Eccentric insisted on coming with me. Finally I said that Daniel was coming. He got very disturbed and asked if he could "talk with me" I didn't want to, but agreed for the sake of peace. He scolded, accused and blamed. Then he apologized, pleaded and (when that didn't work) lashed out, scolded accused and blamed. When I had finally maneuvered him back into the apologizing stage, I said some words of peace and goodbye. I even hugged him despite not wanting to come so close to his dreadful energy.
Daniel and I left together and he had a firm picture in his head of the Eccentric searching through all of the bags looking for his to kick it. We had left the Eccentric on the sofa rubbing his eyes to hold back the tears. His insides were rumbling and tortured with the anger and jealousy within.
Where did it come from? Well, I don't see people's masks that they project to the world, and on some level they sense that. I had no idea that he acts like a tough guy (Daniel explained this to me). To me, he is a 29 year old petulant child full of insecurities and desiring o be the center of attention. He wants everyone to think he's great; a big man.
Some part of him sensed that I saw through everything he tried to project. This created (inspired) strong feelings towards me. He boasted to everyone he saw that I was his best friend from way back. He began to feel a sense of "ownership" because of his feelings. I saw him from the inside out and didn't reject him. He felt empowered, and yet insecure because although not rejecting, I also didn't praise and boast of him. This ate at him. Without his mask he felt vulnerable. He schemed to take me out alone. Then, there was someone else there and I gave the other some attention. Worse, we shared a common language
other than English. It was too great to bear. First he pouted, then was rude, then yelled and threw a temper tantrum.
Unlike a petulant child, a grown man is physically much more dangerous. The blackness boiled, thickened and grew inside of him as he fueled it with alcohol. His thoughts turned to violence. He blamed Daniel for ruining everything. In his mind, Daniel had appeared from nowhere like Spiderman and had leapt into the middle of his grand plans. (No matter that Daniel was already there when we got there and I had in fact been the one to speak to him. Nor, that was I nothing but friendly with anyone, as I have a boyfriend, which he knew about.)
The blackness grew. He wanted to hurt Daniel. He imagined how good it would feel to hurt this usurper. He called some friends to help. They'd teach this interloper a lesson!! He waited for Daniel to return for his things, tortured by the thoughts of us together...what were we doing?? Had he really just taken me to another hostel and not the train station as I had said? I wanted to escape HIM and all because of this treacherous youth!! He tried calling me time and time again with no answer (he called 18 times and I turned off my phone).
When finally Daniel returned, the Eccentric was waiting for him at the entrance. "Can I talk to you??" His skin fairly crackled with the bult up anger storm. He interrogated Daniel about where I was (Wasn't I really there with him now??!!), where I was going, what we had done alone for so long...
Daniel sensed the murderous intentions of the Eccentric. He saw that the Eccentric was trying to intimidate him, find weakness so that he could attack. When the phone rang for the Eccentric, he was like the dark yet greenish clouds that blot out the sky warning of a tornado. "He's right here! He's right here!" he exclaimed excitedly into the phone, holding Daniel hard in his gaze while he spoke. Daniel had a picture come to his mind of a dark plan. The Eccentric wanted back-up. Daniel became affrontive, "What?!! You think I'm lying?! You think I'm lying?! I'm not from those soft, baby-faced European countries. In my country it means something if you use that word. You want to start something?!!" The Eccentric backed down a little and Daniel seized the moment to make a quick exit. He saw the Eccentric scrambling for his shoes as he hurried out the door, sensing his intention to follow. He ran, being as careful as he could to avoid being seen. He yelled for me to "Run! They're coming!!" His bag was open and something fell out, a t-shirt and a pair of underwear. I was past before I realized and yelled at him, but he turned and said, "No time! Run as fast as you can!"
I'm not a runner in the best of times. After nearly two years on an island smaller than a football field, running is NOT much of an option. I tried anyway. We took a wrong turn or two, but looped back to the station. I secretly thought that by not taking a direct route, we were less likely to be seen.
In KL Sentral, we looked around, nervous, but saw no sign of the Eccentric. Our goodbyes were marred by the feeling of malice that had followed us.
As I wrote this, I realized that everytime I wrote "the Eccentric," what I heard in my mind was "Miguel" (the guy in Peru who took care of me during salmonella and typhoid two years ago, then went angry and crazy demanding that I marry him). I thought about Paulo Coehlo's demon on the road to Santiago and realized that "Miguel" is my demon. This Miguel tried to lay webs to force me to come back. The last web is 160 RM ($42-$45 USD) from a canceled tour to Teman Negara. I have to decide what the correct way to face my demon is. I suspect that it is to show that there is no web, no tie that can hold me to him. He tried to offer me a free night, a trip to Malaca, a future job as the manager of his own hostel, and finally to lure me with my own money (and a promise to return it). Daniel warned me, "Never go back to that place!" I think I shan't.
